Saturday, November 15, 2014

5 Signs Your Colleagues Are Plotting Against You

Sometimes the obvious signs when things don't work out too well for you, aren't obvious enough. Here's how to tell if your team mates are plotting to get rid of you in a non-violent way.

It's always when you least expect it.
1. They've noticed you steal from the office storage cupboards
Stealing is wrong. If you've been taking home office property then you are a bad person and ought to be punished. Even if you think you've gotten away with it there's always a slight possibility that someone saw you. You's in big trouble now, mistah/missy!

2. Experienced others are doing your share of the job better than you
Okay so you did a little stealing. But now you've also been avoiding your daily job duties by watching funny YouTube videos all day while you download movies. This just increased the workload for everyone else and they're getting better at your job while they do it for you too. Why were you hired again?

3. You've been trying and failing at bringing your teammates down
Now that you know that your team members have caught you in the act you choose to pretend like you did nothing wrong. You think about  ways to get rid of all witnesses and decided publicly insulting the intelligence of your colleagues will help you out because there's nothing you can do about it. Pretending this is all their fault seemed like a good idea at the time.

4. Your boss saw through your faux marketing presentations
Okay, so maybe you've screwed it up with the team. This would be a good time to butter up the boss so that you get one up on them. Unfortunately your knowledge is limited to big words and making big numbers appear on the calculator. You know the boss can tell but who cares, right?

5. You dissed the boss to a colleague on email and Cced him along
So far, so bad. Everything you do only seems to get yourself in more trouble. So now what do you do? Demean the boss to colleagues who could care less about what you think by now. You've come so far so why stop there? So you do it on email and deliberately Cc him/her along. If there was a 'worst employee of the month' award, you know you'd be winning it.

If you haven't already thought about quitting after all this, you should. Even if you haven't your colleagues are plotting to get rid of you and your boss will beat them to it!

This article was inspired by a colleague who did all of the above and more. Thankfully, the bloke no longer works with us.