Sunday, December 30, 2007

Chilli And Cheese

I'm not as dolly dumb
As the girls of today come;
I'll consume it with ease
Like it was chilli and cheese. -4

Chilli and chocolate or chilli and cheese;
I'll have them both if you please,
I'll have it when you stand,
I'll swallow as much as I can. -8

I like chilli and cheese below the belt,
Let chilli and chocolate in my mouth melt;
There's nothing sweeter than this,
This, bitter-sweet chilli business. -12

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Holiday Bunking

How come nobody does it? No one wants to bunk a holiday. They'd all rather bunk a lecture or the entire day at college. Does no one want to go to college on an off day and sit in an empty class? You'd be doing the same thing when normally sitting in class (for those who still sit for any lectures) which would probably include playing dead. (Not me of course, I'm a student too good to be one.)
Imagine sitting at home and being driven bored by the extremely, overly bright and loud telly set and this fantastic idea comes to you. Wouldn't it be great to go to college on an off-day like a Sunday and sit in the class. I think it would be just great. An empty class with more absentees than normal including an absent teacher as well. The walls might even whisper to you (I always thought walls had ears really). There's always the library which should be open even on off days. You could sit in any class on any floor you like too.
I bunked a holiday once but my college didn't really like me coming there on an off day and shooed me away even after I flashed my ID card (with it's pretty little shiny metal heart hanging so lovingly from it) at the guard but the stupid imbicile doesn't look for/at my ID card when I shove it in his face on a holiday. I suppose he thought I was trying to bomb the college out of spite for it (he wants to bomb it first).
Now, just because it didn't work out so well for me doesn't mean the same may happen to you. You should try it out yourself. I think there should be mass-holiday-bunking, what say? Bunkers unite!!!


p.s.: The author expects that your experience may be too good for your well-being.
Did you know that the author's library has restricted the literature section but not the textbook, magazines, tattered novels or any of the other sections?

Monday, December 24, 2007

December

This is my december. I think it manages to sum up all that I go through. Below is a list of things that Demember brings.

1. Can't get away from all the excess chores.
2. Hard to find anything to do that equals to frolicking around on a sunny beach in a bikini.
3. Red nose syndrome occurs to keep you grounded doing more housework.
4. Imaginary voices keep reminding you to do things before the year ends.
5. Sound is carried futhur than usual during the cold specially when you yell.
6. There's too much baking going on at home.
7. Money saved all year disappears a lot faster during this month somehow.
8. A man in a red suit rimmed with fake white fur with a fake fat tummy laughs at you.
9. Suddenly you realise it's what the initial letter of each sentence from 1-9 spells out...which eventually leads to the next year.


p.s.: The author wishes one and all a Happy Christmas and a Very Merry New Year!!!

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Happy December

December Holidays: Since college began practically every alternate day is a holiday at my college. If it's not a public holiday for some national or state festival or college festival it's the teachers bunking college themselves. Since college started I didn't attend the first two Mondays and also missed the fourth Monday due to insufficient teachers at college. The first two weeks passed by me like the wind. Practically no teachers came for the first week. The second week had a few more since the results of my examinations were put up for all to see on the notice board. Lucky me I get reasonable marks. You won't believe how many people would love to see my marks considering I rarely share them with classmates. People actually found out that I topped in English Literature before me (I'm a braggart and proud of it). Such is the outrageous behaviour from my own classmates.. It's not fair!!! Then there's me bunking a day or four (never more). But with all these random holidays there's no real need to bunk I guess. With so many holidays during December I've decided that the entire month be treated like a holiday.

Dressed For December: During October - Novenmber I get hunted by my 'sweet' Catholic friends who keep asking me what I'm going to wear for Christmas and New Year Mass. They've usually already decided their choices of dresswear. They have a good competition on who can buy the most expensive and most beautiful dress.. Their brains stop functioning (must be rusty) when I tell them that I'm not buying anything new.

Pre-Planned Festival: The December joy is pre-planned months beforehand like for any other holiday. Then there's the oh-so-many parties that people get invited to, one better than the other (no one ever invites poor little me, I wonder why). Even the various educational centres close for Christmas and New Year every year.
I therefore shared the joy of December with all my classmates and anyone else who deserved my limited joy by wishing them 'Happy December' as soon as the month began. Are you celebrating it too?



p.s.: For those who didn't know, the author is a Catholic turned Atheist who's still considered as Catholic by society and most friends due to their inability to accept Atheists. She still attends the Easter mass, Christmas, New Year mass , death anniversary and funeral masses of loved ones due to societal pressure and selfless personal reasons. She doesn't attend wedding masses...just the post-mass wedding party.
On behalf of the author I wish you all a very Happy and Prosperous December.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Who Would You Slap?

With reference to THIS article I've decided to create a follow-up.

You come home late from work as usual. There's none to greet you when you reach your place 'cause your other half is dead asleep and snoring wildly. It's a pissy life but you're doing it for a better future. You thank goodness that the following day is a Sunday and you can finally have bit of solace to youself. But as you're sipping on your expensive coffee your friend comes over. S/he disturbs your mind when s/he tells you of the torrid affair between some good-looker and your spouse and s/he even has photos to proove it.
Now that you know about it who would you slap, your husband for cheating on you, your friend for telling you something that destroyed your perfect life or the pretty face who was helping your husband to cheat on you and why?
Should you have some other alternative, do share that as well

Monday, December 10, 2007

Come Back My Dear

There was once a boy I used to know,
He lived nearby, but not anymore.
He asked me to marry before he would go.
But I fell to my pride and so said "no" -4
This loneliness I can stand no more;
To him, my love, I have to go;
Will he still love me I do not know;
But to him my love I have to show. -8
At last when I reach him, I will say,
"Without you my love, I cannot stay,
Not tomorrow, never today!...
Will I ever leave you and go away." -12

Friday, December 07, 2007

The F-Word

Wrong!!! That's not it. Is that the only word that starts with the letter 'f' that you can think of? Be shamed for you are wrong*.

Oh yes! the insult most feared.
The one that each girl dreads to hear.
The word that even some men too now despise.
Playing with weights would be considered wise. -4


Fat!!! That's the new dirty insulting f-word. And the worst part is that no matter how hard you try to pretend you can't hear it, it's still there somewhere in your subconcious ricocheting off the walls of your already maddened mind. That 'extra' flesh, those flabby 'love handles' that reeks of all the 'fatty' foods you eat can make you feel so insecure and so fatty-like. You compare yourself to a pregnant woman and you feel better. Compare yourself to a skeleton and you'll think you're much too fat and wish you could see your protruding ribs when you look into the mirror. To be called by that 'dirty' word is so very humilating. It's like someone telling you that being on the healthy side is wrong.
Don't confuse the word 'fat' with 'obese' though. It's not the same thing. One is unhealthy and the other is a right balance of nutritious nutrients stuffed into you. But nobody uses that word. People just prefer to call you plain 'fat'. Yea, that just somehow has a more insulting effect. I've still not figured out why, but it just does. To most people obese is as good as equal to fat and therefore means the same thing. Try to explain to them the difference between the two and you'll probably get yourself called a freakishly nerdy dork and then after that they'll top it off with the word 'fat'!!!
Of course there is also the commonly (or not so much so) used option which is to slap yourself silly and find a reasonable hobby to drive the annoying thoughts out of your mind. I wonder if the world would be any different if everyone else was fat as well. I wonder what we'd poke fun at about our figures then. Considering our natural human tendencies, I'm more than certain that we'd find something else just as hopeless.


p.s.: Wrong is subjective. There is no such thing as right or wrong. Therefore degree of fat is also subjective. So there is no such thing as fat or thin either.

The F-Word Poem

Oh yes! the insult most feared.The one that each girl dreads to hear.The word that even some men too now despise.Playing with weights would be considered wise. -4

To be this insulting word, you cannot be it's opposite
To be bothered about the taunts makes you a git
For many you can either be this or that
So if you are not thin you can only be fat. -8

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

My Roses Have Gone

Who took my blue roses?
Where are my black thorns?
Where are my arrows and bows?
Where have they all gone? -4

My sour scented flowers;
My headless stalks lie upon the ground;
My arrows flew like sweet painless showers,
How my heart did gallop and pound. -8

My cherries have flown away;
The dust still lingers in the air.
The eyes stare from the clouds all day;
I've been made barren and bare. -12

I feel very much deprived and alone.
Even my birds sleep in another's nest.
Each passing moment my sorrow hath grown;
My heart can beat no more within my chest. -16

Monday, December 03, 2007

I Love Whales - The Other White Meat

The article found my interest (take a wild guess as to how or why). So I thought it would be great to make the public aware of this. The initial topic from where this excerpt was taken from wasn't really about whales. Should you like this excerpt feel free to read the original article. Link provided below. Enjoy!

"Y'know, I'm not a radical animal rights activist and I can understand that some societies hunt whales as part of their culture. I can also deal with the need to study whales so that we may better understand their needs, and by doing so allow us to devise better ways of protecting them - and sometimes that entails killing them. All I ask is that we be honest about it. Japan, you're not being honest. In 2005, Japan killed 1,243 whales under the guise of "scientific research". This year, 50 Humpback whales will be added to the quota. Whatever Japan's scientists are looking for, they're going through a heck of a lot of whales in order to find it. Oh, and the meat from these whales? You'll find it on supermarket shelves and served in school lunches. "Waste not, want not", right? Scientists did make one notable discovery: whale meat is loaded with dangerously high levels of PCB, mercury, and dioxin. Yum!!!"


p.s.:
I couldn't think of a better title for this topic. It just seemed so wrong yet so right both at the same time.
One fool's cool is another fool's wacky.

r
efference link:
click here

Saturday, December 01, 2007

In Love With a Stranger

I saw a stranger on the road;
Who just so happened to be a he,
I gazed at him and to my self said,
"That stranger is meant for me!"

Friday, November 30, 2007

Three Questions - Leo Tolstoy

A king wanted to know three things inparticular and that was when was the best time to perform important affairs, who was the most important person and what was the best profession. After asking many intelligent people and being dissatisfied with their answers decided to dress as a peasant and ask a hermit well known for his wisdom. The King asked the hermit what he wanted to know but got no answer. A wounded man comes along, the King nurses him and leaves him in the hermit's house. The next day the wounded man tells him that he was trying to kill him but wanted to be forgiven. The King forgave him and let him go. The King asked the hermit one last time. And the hermit said that the present was the best time to perform else the wounded man would've died. The most important person is who you are with since that is the person who needs you which was the wounded man. And the most important profession is the one that one has taken as otherwise things wouldn't be the same.
I think the answers to the questions were reasonable enough. People wish to know what would happen if things were different instead of seeing to issues at present. The present is the most important, it predicts the future.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Writer's Block

What is writer's block you may wonder. I'll tell you what it really is. Writer's block is this big black block shaped block that blocks all reasonable thought*. This block somehow comes mostly to people who try to write, whether successfully or not. It comes in the way of their logical thinking and fills it with the most random of illogical thoughts*. Therefore I feel the need to enlighten others about the big bad block that they too may be prepared should a similar situation occur to them as well.

The following are the stages you may go through during'Writer's Block':
-You get depressed.
-You're not satisfied with anything you write.
-You think you can't write anything that people will like.
-You forget that you write more to relieve your stress than for others pleasure.
-Your stress levels increase.
-You constantly need someone to tell you that you're a really great writer.
-Your inferiority complex evolves into it's even-more-inferior stages.

And after that....:
-You eventually conclude that you've got writer's block.
-You decide to write about Writer's Block and what you went through during that phase.
-You feel better after writing the article and even more so after publishing it.
-You then wonder about what to write next.
-And if you don't already have topics ready you may as well go through the entire loop again.


p.s.: Reasonable and illogical thought is subjective and can mean the same as unreasonable and logical thought.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Work Death And Sickness - Leo Tolstoy

God made the world that people wouldn't need clothes or to work. When he checked if the world was fine he saw they always fought. He then made it that they had to wear clothes and had to work for food and even this didn't bring them together nor did it bring them together when He put sickness on earth. Even when he said they could die at any time they didn't stop. Then He left the world to fend for themselves. Most of the world remained the same 'cept for a few who realised that it was important to live together and be happy in work, sickness and death.
Each one of us are a little selfish. We'd love for someone to pamper us the way we pamper them. But then there are those who would like to not have anyone involved in their lives and vice versa.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

An Orgasm Is Such Pure Pleasure

What're you afraid of?
There's none to scoff.
Be my fool.
Let out your tool;
Don't you feel me ill.
Let it out and let it drill. -6

I swear I won't tell;
Let your organ swell,
Make it seem crude.
You won't be rude.
I'm nude and ready;
Come and deflower me. -12

Don't be shamed.
It's I to blame.
I crave your penis;
I crave for sweet pussy bliss.
Come make my day;
And squirt away. -18

Make me scream;
And frothen our cream.
Make the juices flow,
Let's let the neighbors know;
We'll scream together,
An orgasm is such pure pleasure. -24

Sunday, November 18, 2007

God-Complex

God is not complex (or is he?). But I'm not here to discuss God but rather a concept called 'god-complex'. Because I can't elucidate it through professional explainations here are a few situations which will help you get a gist of what a god-complex is.

You have a god-complex if....
-Another person's views are completely wrong and don't deserve to be heard (even if they say the earth is not a hexagon).
-You think you're better than everyone else around you (even after someone else won the eat-as-much-as-you-can competition).
-You get jealous if anyone is better than you (especially if the person who won was your spoilt-as-you baby sister).
-You think you can boss over anyone you feel (even your boss).
-You assume you have right to take away life from another living being at will (you poisoned your neighbor's whale).
-You think you're God (and ask to be garlanded, worshipped and sung praises to).

Frankly I think we all have a god-complex to a certain degree. I just call it a 'madness' that cannot be cured unless the person is bitch slaped and dunked into a pool of ice cold water. Of course this method should be only used if the person is in the early stages. If in the later stages they should find a room at the nearest mental asylum.


p.s.: The chance of this post being similar to any other is unlikely and unnatural and considered as hogwash. Anyone who thinks otherwise is not considered to have thought anthing at all.

Esarhaddon, King Of Assyria - Leo Tolstoy

Esarhaddon captured another kingdom and was soon to execute the captured king but was unsure about how to go about doing it. A man comes to him and tells him that he himself is that same king and askes him to step into a font. As soon as he was in Esarhaddon was the other king , suffered for 20 days and eventually was put to death (as the other king). Then he was in the form of a she-ass which was slaughtered after which he woke up from the font. He then realised that he was also a living creature like all others and should give up his evil ways. He lets go of the other king and leaves his kingdom, goes into the dessert to preach about how we should treat others as how we would liked to be treated.
Do as to others as you would do to oneself. That's the moral of this story.

Too Dear! - Leo Tolstoy

Monaco was the tiniest kingdom in the world somewhere near France and Italy where gambling was profitted the King the most. People always came to play there. There was a robber who got caught. The kingdom had no guillotine and tried to buy one from France and Itialy but both were too expensive and the King didn't want to increace taxes so he decided to keep the robber in a jail cell and had a guard posted in front of it. He also made sure the robber got food too. Then the King's officials said that keeping the robber was becomming too expensive so they got rid of the guard and hoped the robber would run away but he didn't. He just came out of his cell to take his grub and returned back to his cell. When the King asked him why he wouldn't escape the robber told him that after his reputation being destroyed he has nowhere else to go. So the Kind decided to give him hs compensation and the robber went back to his normal living. He was lucky he wasn't in a country where there is a grudge for expenses.
Once your name in society has been mauled showing your face is like committing suicide for many. Had the robber been killed by some means or the other to begin with the king wouldn't have spent much and nor would he would've caused the 'poor' robber so much trauma in his mind. As the last line says, the robber was lucky because he got to live and was given compensation too.

The Coffee-House Of Surat - Leo Tolstoy

A man who stopped believeing in God entered a coffee house in Surat where people pf many a nation spend their time there. He asked his slave if he believed that God existed and the slave took out a little carved object which he worshipped and said that he did. Then a debate started with the people from different nationalities and different religions each saything their religion was the best and that God favoured them alone. Then a Chinaman who was a follower of Confucious told them the story of how different people thought differently about the sun. A man went blind staring at the sun to figure out what it really was. Some thought the earth revolved around it, some thought it was a greater being. Some philosophers found out that it was the sun which the earth revolved around and nothing more than a ball of heat and light. While to commoners a kerosene lamp was their sun. The higher a man's conception of God the better he understands. As with the sun the better you understand the more light you appreciate and notice as it falls on oneself. And nomore did the people in the cofee house dispute about who's God was best.
The main point here is that God exists and is just seen in the forms of different religions. There is no 'my God' or 'your God'. It's too bad the religious fanatics will never realise this.

Friday, November 16, 2007

In Mine

In my notes,
If you care to read;
You'll find i wrote
Many a thought seed. -4

In my bag,
If you take a look,
You'd find my dirty mag
But never a good book. -8

In my home;
If you came inside,
You'll find nothing but bones
With little to hide. -12

In my soul
If from my body unwound,
You'd find the thoughts I stole
And my hidden sins found. -16

In my mind,
If you got snared;
To search, you'd find
Things none can bear. -20

He who looks in mine has no shame;
Is able to live in peace no more;
Is driven insane,
And makes himself sore -24

Seek no further;
Before it's too late,
Run home to mother;
Least fall into the same fate -28

The Empty Drum - Leo Tolstoy

A man got married to a woman who the King of that place coveted. The King decided to try overworking the man till he died so he could then marry his wife. But each time the man completed his task on time. Even when the tasks were impossible like building a cathedral in a day or a river with ships in it by nightfall his wife assured him it would be done and it was as she said. But then the King came up with an extraordinary task. He asked the man to, "go there, don't know where and bring that, don't know what". The wife assured him and giving him a wallet and a spindle, told him to go to the Grandam who was the old peasant woman, mother of all soilders, take her advice, go and get whatever she asks and come straight to the palace as that is where she will be after the King's soldiers kidnap her. He meets some soldiers and asks them how to get what he wanted but they just tell him that they don't know where they go nor what they seek. When he meets the Grandam he gives her what his wife gave him and told her his story. She tells him to go to a city. There he should get the object that men obey more than father and mother and if the King says it is not the right thing it should be broken to little pieces and thrown into the river. At the city when a boy did not listen to his parents he heard the sound of an empty drum and went out. The man steals the drum and goes to the palace but the King said it wasn't what he wanted. So the man played the drum and went towards the river and the King's soldiers followed him. The King was afraid and let the man's wife go and asked him to stop but he just did as he was told. Once the drum was thrown in the soldiers ran away and the man went back home with his wife and the King too ceased to disturb him.
This was more of a fairy tale if nothing else. But there probably was some inner meaning to it. I think Tolstoy tries to tell us that we must never give up hope and should keep on working and our tasks will be over on time. The drum is a metaphor for dicipline or rules which when followed can remove chaos. The wallet and spindle were metaphors too I'm sure which probably were money and a hobby respectively. Of course it's also possible that there is no metaphor at all and this is a folk tale and nothing more.

The Repentant Sinner - Leo Tolstoy

A sinner died and reached the gates of Heaven. But St. Peter doesn't allow him on hearing his sins in spite of the times he denief Jesus and later repented. King David too was not willing to let in the sinner in spite of he too taking things away from the poor but later repenting. Then John the Divine came and he too told the sinner to dismiss himself. But then the sinner reminded John about how he himself said that God was love and he who loves not knows not God. And for this reply he was finally let into Paradise.
No matter how much you sin the gates of Heaven will always be opened for you is what I get from this story. Also it says that the person who does not love doesn't know God. I wondered if this is supposed to apply to atheosts and agnostics but since the story has a Christain outlook it's not likely . But the universal idea here is forgiveness and with it follows happiness.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Demons Within

We have demons within us. Most of us are unaware of them as they are a part of us and therefore together make a person whole. Without them we would walk the earth as lifeless zombies without much reaction to any situation. So in a way they are usefull to us. Each demon triggers a differnt reaction to a different situation. They may assist us as we perform day-to-day activities and are in full control of us at our most vulnerable moments. When we are most emotionalally expressive that is when inner demons are in control of us. When we are calm our demons too are at rest.
Some of us though seem to have complete control of our inner demons. We invoke them when needed and get rid of them just as easily. Theatre actors for example are capable of doing so. They are able to invoke theor demons and perform accordingly on stage. That's what separates them from most movie actors. Another form of invoking inner demons would be by consuming copious amounts of alcohol. Just watch a man in a drunken stupor and be amazed. The effects are more profound when a person is in an emotional state and then consumes alcohol. Performing yoga or even simple breathing exersises helps to calm one's inner demons.
These demons are nothing but our supressed emotions. Those hidden sides of us that don't get a chance to express themselves. We may hide them for many societal or personal reasons which may result in various psychological problems such as alter egos, multiple personality syndrome and so on. But the solution is not to fight one's demons. It's as the old saying goes, "If you can't beat 'em join 'em". Become one with yourself.


p.s.: The author does not force her theories upon anyone. Any similarity to some other article is pure coincidence.

The Godson - Leo Tolstoy

A man needs a Godfather to his son. After much searching he finds a stranger who agrees but doesn't show up ever again. The godson goes in search of him ans finds him on his way. He asks if he could come visit his godfather sometime and the godfather gives him directions. On his way he sees a mother bear and it's cubs feeding on honey. A log tied to a string was in the way and each time the bear moved it away from it's cubs the log just swung back till it killed a cub and the mother as well. The boy reaches his godfather's place where he lives there for 11 years but is told never to enter into a particular room but the boy goes there just to see and finds a throne which he sits on. He was then able to see the entire world and it's people and decides to look at his town. He stopped a theif from robbing his father's home and revealed to his godmother her cheating husband and then killed a man who was about to kill his mother. His godfather came and told him that he has now taken the sins of the man who he has just killed and should go to a hermit who will show him how to pays for those sins. On his way he helps various people. He finds the hermit who tells him to burn three logs, replant them carry water in his mouth to water them each day till from them grows an apple tree. The first one sprouts when he began to live like the hermit after he died, the second after he tried to convince a robber to mend his ways and the third when pitied and finally convinced the robber to mend his ways and then taught the robber his hermit ways and died.
What the story tried to say was that we shouldn't depend on others for our living, we need to be independant. When we do what we do for ourselves instead to just put on a show for others then we will realise it's significance. When others are able to understnad and learn another's point of view will there be fewer gaps between people. Also the more you try to fight your way through the more you get fought back. Finding the cause of the problem is a better option.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Happy Diwaali!!!

We all love Diwaali. I do too. But here's what many don't. People will keep on complaining on the issue often but it's not likely to change anytime soon. The thing that poeple most love and many fret are the firecrackers. Yes, those extremely noisy little things that can give you burns and leave you in a hospital, partially or completely deaf, permanent scars on your skin and the possible loss of a digit or more from your hands or feet. most of us don't learn till one of those things actually happen to us or someone close. But it's quite obvious, parents don't really care much for their childeren. Some of us are asthematic who die of the hazardous smoke but none care or like me, overly sensitive to the slightest change in the air. I wish more people had allergies to smoke and air congestion.
It's a shame, no more foggy mornings during Diwaali......just plain smog. I envy the forest dewellers. When will people learn to empatize with those who suffer silenly?
We have bans on loud speakers as well as fireworks after 10pm, so how come I hear Them all the way till 4am? Perhaps the police are already deaf. I guess it's perfectly normal to infest the air with killer smoke. I say we need to drop heavier fines on people who make, sell and buy really loud crackers that sound as if it's the Hiroshima-Nagasaki incidents replayed. People want to sleep eventually even if the 'bomb' supply doesn't deplete in one night.
And what's wrong with more sparklers and firelights? The sparklers I find are very pretty. And firelights are perfect. Sit atop your terrace and light a few. They make for a very beautiful sight and create such romantic scenes and everyone loses them, I know I do. But no, people would rather sucessfully lose their hearing through excessive use of loud crackers than look at multi-colored lights which cause less bodily harm.
So much for a much sought for 'Happy' Diwaali.


p.s.: This author hates smoke and it's generators, human or not!!!

A Grain As Big As A Hen's Egg - Leo Tolstoy

A grain was found and taken to the King of the particular land to keep as a curiosity. The King asked for someone old who might know of the reason of such a huge grain of corn and from where to buy it from. A man with two crutches, deaf and barely able to see or speak was called upon. He told the King to refer to his father who was with only one crutch and was able to hear better and speak better too. He said his father might know as such grain was seen. His father was a much better speaker and walked without crutches, could hear and speak fluently too. He told the King that in his time such grain was in plenty and when asked why it wasn't found anymore the man said that it was because in his time people worked hard on their own to eat and were happier that way whereas now people hire others to do their labour and owrk is not properly done. The King asked why he was stronger than his son and grandson and the man said that it was because doing all the labour on his own made him strong.
From this we learn that it's better to do our own work than to rely on other's. Only we know what is it that we need with practice and continious working will keep us strong. By hiring others to do our work we become dependent on them and lose the chance to strenghten our own capabilities. The fruit of our own hard work is the sweetest.

Monday, November 12, 2007

How Much Land Does A Man Need? - Leo Tolstoy

A peasant who was poor and had very little land tried to get the surrounding land so as to extend his estate and have the most amount of land assuming he would be happier with more land. He kept buying more and more land. He found some virgin land that a man was willing to sell for as far as the peasant ran in a day. So as the peasant walked he wanted more and raced to the spot where he was supposed to return. On reaching there he died on the spot. He needed land only enough to cover him six feet into the ground.
A simple message to say that we should be satisfied with what we have and not be greedy for more.
The story remended me of a scene in the story 'What Men Live By' when Michael saw the Angel of Death behind the man who wanted shoes to last a year when he died just an hour later and needed only sof shoes meant for people when they die. It just goes to show that it's better to live today than worry to much about tomorrow.
It's true, a man needs only land enough to be buried under after he dies.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

The Imp And The Crust - Leo Tolstoy

A peasant took a crust of bread with him to the feild to eat and left it under a bush. But when he wanted to eat it, the crust was gone and even though the peasant didn't fret over it he hoped the person who wanted it was happy. It was an imp who took it. He tolod the Devil of what happened. The Devil was displeased and gave the imp three years to make the peasant sin. The imp then took the form of a labourer and twice helped the peasant reap a lot of corn which was more than the peasant ever needed. He then taught the peasant to make strong drink out of the excess crop. In this way the peasant drank with his friends. The imp called the Devil to see the 'good' work he had done. He shoed how the peasant quarrelled with his wife after three drinks everyone acted as cunning as a fox, vicious as a wolf and filthy as swine. The Devil was pleased and asked the imp if he spiked the drink with the blood of those animals. The imp said that the blood of the beasts is always in man and by giving him drink the beasts showed themselves and men quarrel with one an another. The imp was then promoted to a higher post by the Devil.
A drink won't hurt you but more than a drink probably will. We are the true beasts when we're drunk. The things we hide inside abruply exit us and cause chaos. We hurt people who we'd never want to and regret it later.
Moral of this story is don't waste extra money on drink else be prepared to suffer the consequences of one's drunken stupor. It never ceases to amaze watching a drunken man perform his antics. It makes you see a differrnt side of him. A side you wouldn't want to meet should he be angry.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

The Three Hermits - Leo Tolstoy

A Bishop traveling on a ship overheard a peasant talking about three hermits living alone on some island and wished to see them too. On reaching the island he found the three hermits and asked them to teach him their ways of pleasing God. Their prayer was just one line which they would continiously repeat and always help each other out. The Bishop taught them the 'Lord's Prayer' and left by evening. Back on the ship while the Bishop looked out at sea he saw a white light coming closer to the ship. It was the three hermits running on water and on seeing the Bishop asked him to teach them the prayer again as they had fogotten it. The Bishop told them to say the prayer they always did as that was the prayer true from their heart and the three hermits went back to their island.
This shows that by saying a prayer a certain amount of times will not bring you peace. One has not to pray so much. One has only to say one's own prayer to God and that is sufficient ehough for Him to hear as God already knows our needs. To please him we have only to continue helping one another and pray our simple prayer and that would keep us happy. But people prefer to have elaborated and long prayers thinking that the more times you say it God will be pleased. Such is the trend today.

Friday, November 09, 2007

The Announcement

The day they all dreaded had arrived. She was nervous. The speech she had prepared and written on recycled paper in her left hand was folded and unfolded more than a dozen times. She had it rehearsed in her head and in front of her reflection a countless times. It was the awful truth, but she had to tell it to the world. People already knew. Her job was to confirm it. Shocking as it was she had to read her speech over and over, knowing what she was about to say. She decided to say it out loud to herself one last time, "It's dead. Nothing could have been done. It's race has come to an end. The very la..." The door to her private room was swung open. A sombre male entered. "It's time for your speech". "Okay. I'm ready." said she with a smile even though inside she was afraid.
She steped in front of the mike and cleared her throat. The noise from the crowd in front of her died slowly till there was nothing but silence. Only the sounds of the fans hanging from the ceiling could be heard. She began,"It's dead. Nothing could have been done. It's race has come to an end. The very last whole human is dead." There were agitated cries from the crowd. A crowd of genetically born beings in forms of every animal known to 'whole man' five decades ago. Now there was no man and no animal, just 'Hanimals'. She herself couldn't even cry. She was a genetically born 'human snake'.


p.s.: The author has no intention of continuing this post with a follow-up.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Elias - Leo Tolstoy

Elias was once a poor man. Had barely a handful of cattle left behind by his father. He worked hard along with his wife and soon he became the richest man of the town. His calttle became many too. He had everything in pleny and was always able to serve the best produce of his cattle to his guests. He had two sons and a daughter. His daughter died in some brawl, his elsest son took to drinking and died as well and his other son married took a little of the property and never returned. Soon all his wealth started diminishing due to outbreaks of diseases among the animals. He had to see all he had to survive. He and his wife had only their bare necessities to survive on. Then a man who saw them who Elias once served him food and drink took pity on him asked Elias to come with his wife and stay as labourers. Once a few guests came to the man's house and he told them about Elias. They wanted to speak with him themselves so Elias was called for. They asked him if he was happy now or then. He told them to ask his wife and she said that when they were rich they always were scared of theives or losses and had no time for each other nor time to pray but now as lobourers they live in peace and have time to pray and speak to each other. At first the guests thought it was funny but then they realised how true what she daid was and refected on it.
According to this story the more you have the more you worry to keep what you have safe. You remain throught sleepless nights thinking of what you might lose. If you have less you can sleep at night 'cause nothing you have the theives want. That's actually a good feeling really.
But unfortunately even the poor man on the road fights for his footpath 'cause someone wants to steal that too. We all have something someone else wants. Our lives, our family, our homes, our material objects, etc. they want it all. Today we only look for a better security over what we own.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Little Girls Wiser Than Men - Leo Tolstoy

Two girls, Malasha and Akulya meet after Sunday mass. There was a muddy puddle. Akulya splashed on Malasha's dress. Malasha's mother came and scolded her and Malasha said Akulya did it so the mother slapped Akulya. Akulya's mother came and both mothers spat out harsh words at each other and eventually a crowd of people were arguing together. An old lady tried to tell them to stop. The two girls played with the muddy water in the meantime and laughed happily. The old lady then told the people that not to bother fighting, the little girls themselves have forgotten about it and are playing again and that the others should follow their example.
This one too was a really short story. This one was better than the previous one. I like the moral here. Here we see that just like how little childeren forget their worries and refrain from holding grudges, adults should do the same. It teaches us that arguring about small things gets us nowhere. And if we do end up in such arguments it can only lead to unwanted waste of time and energy. It's useless to argue over nothing.
This story was straight to the point and was short and sweet too.

Monday, November 05, 2007

Evil Allures But God Endures - Leo Tolstoy

There was a master with many slaves who he treated well and they loved him the same. The Devil wanted the slaves and the master to be on bad terms and took power one of the slaves named Aleb. Aleb tried to convince the other slaves that the master was one who repays good with good and evil with evil instead of repaying evil with good. The others didn't believe him and a bet was placed. Once when the master decided to show his lambs to his guests he wanted to show a particular ram with twisted horns. He asked Aleb to bring it in front for the guests to see. As the Devil sat on a tree Aleb went amoung the herd, grabbed the hind leg of the lamb and broke it. Instead of punishing him the master said that Aleb's master (the Devil) was not as strong as his own (God). With that the master set Aleb free and seeing how the master treated Aleb with kindness the Devil sank into the ground.
I don't understand why Tolstoy must always have animals harmed but never humans. Somehow harming defenceless creatures is better. That just goes to say that the description of the leg breaking was good enough for me to imagine the bone crack in my head. I wonder what happened to the Devil after he fell into the ground, it just seems strange to fall when he's not going to get hurt since he's the Devil. And had the Devil not arrived would the slaves have thought ill of their master on their own? If they all kept thinking the same they're nothing but a bunch of sheep who go where the rest go.
Other than that the moral story tells us to think before we do anything. Who knows..the Devil might be guiding us now.
This story wasn't very specific in it's morals. It's very simple with little to think over about. Was a much shorter story than the previous ones.

What Would You Do?

Here's the situaton:

The night is cool and breezy. You get up from your comfy sleeping place. As dark as it is the room is still bright. The stars are out and the view is great. You've got a smile on your face. You're at your window gazing at the vastness of the sky. You happen to shift your attention to your friend's window to see if she's okay. Then...you see them. Your close friend's 'loyal' hubby and a delectable, youthful female. They're in a physical position your perfectly certain your dear friend would definitly not approve of. The smile on your face has vanished. It's replaced with a most disturbed look. You wish you had not seen it, but you have. You now have a piece of information in your mind. You can choose to either ignore it or you could do someting. But what?...

I want you...yes you reading this to let me know what you'd do. I'm not asking this 'cause it happened but I just want to know your view.

Ivan the Fool - Leo Tolstoy

This was a story of Ivan who was a fool, his two brothers, Simon the soilder and Taras the stout, three imps and the Devil. Ivan lived with his father also had a sister who was deaf and dumb. His other two brothers took their share of their father's property and left including that of Ivans' property since a fool wouldn't need it. The Devil was disappointed since he hoped that they would fight over the property so he sent his three imps to create havoc between them somehow or the other. Each imp took a brother and decided that if one was to finish first they were to help the others. The first and second imps succeeded in causing trouble for the fisrt two brothers and sent them home for food and shelter with their wives. But Ivan's imp was having a lot of trouble. Ivan caught the imp by mistake and threatened to kill it but the imp promised to anything and showed him a root which could cure anything then Ivan let the imp go and told him that god should be with him and the imp perished at the mention of god. The other two imps came and failed too and ended up with the same fate. The other two imps taught Ivan to make soldiers out of hay and gold out of oak leaves. By this time both brothers were staying with Ivan, they found out what Ivan knew and Ivan made soldiers for Simon and gold for Taras. Eventually both brothers got their own kingdoms and were Kings. Ivan became king after he cured the previous king's daughter and married her. After the old king's death Ivan went back to his old shabby clothes and all wise people left the kingdom and only the fools remained. The Devil found out about how the brothers prospered and decided to do something about it. He brought the downfall of the two brothers and went on to Ivan. Ivan's folk could not be fooled as they were already fools and the played with money instead of using it. They preferred the barter system. The Devil couldn't buy anything since money was useless and wouldn't take anything out of 'Christ's sake' i.e. charity. The Devil told Ivan he could work with his head even though it causes it to split sometimes. But the Devil just talked and talked and no one believed that he could work with his head. He soon got tired and hungry talking so much and fell down a flight of stairs bumping his head on each stair. Eventually Ivan mentioned God and the Devil disappears from the place.
This was the strangest of what I've read of Tolstoy. I don't know if it's meant to be funny or serious. I think it's funny though. I liked the part when the imps fell into the ground. I wonder what happened to them. They seemed to have actually played an important role.
What I don't understand is if we too should all act like fools like Evan and we'll never have worries. I therefore learnt from the story that...

-Money will bring your downfall, it's better to play with it.
-Soilders are a sign of death.
-If you are a fool you are the happiest person in the world.
-You should work as hard as you can, eventually things will get easier.
-Barter system is better than pieces of gold.
-The Devil has imps.
-Being greedy does not bring you happiness.
-It's better to be a fool.
-The Devil does not approve of Christ.
-The devil is bad.

....I could go on. But that's what I learned. This would make a great story for kids. They'd love it.
The story does have a deeper meaning of course. And like other Tolstoy stories this one is moralistic too.

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Poetry - The Complex And The Simple

Why do we appreciate poetry? Do we need to? Is it really important that we should understand it?
These are questions I refuse to answer for people who have no time to think of an answer for themselves. We're all endowed with fully functioning brains. But nevertheless I'm here (as annoying as it is) to let you know a little someting about what I think about the topic. I've had this conversation with a few before but I wanted to have it out in front of me to really understand it for myself. As a student of English literature I take great pride in knowing nothing of anything in literature (if you think I'm lying you know nothing about me). Fortunately for me, I won't be studying poetry till next year so I'll have to rack my brain a little less during this academic year. A profound plearure no doubt.
Early this academic year my literature teacher who takes great pleasure (and great pains too I'm sure) in talking endlessly about various parts and pieces (it's never a whole somehow) of literature, their authors, their opinions by various people and various other literary topics which fly over practically everyone's uninterested heads, happened to talk about poetry and I happened to be paying attention too, something odd considering I always make sure I lose track of or tune out long monotonous speeches (such as the likes of this). She said, that someone (famous I'm sure) said, that poetry should be complex...because life is complex. My slouched position in my seat changed to an upright one. The topic had aroused interest in me. How could she say that and agree with it too? Since when is life considered complex? And since when did poetry get to be compared to life? And whose life I'd like to know too?!
If you've read one of those poems you don't understand that seem to have a deeper meaning those are the complex ones. They make you think. You usually have to read between the lines more than once for these poems. Simple poems are those which are like simple prose. They tell a story in pure detail making it easier for the reader to understand it since there is no hidden meaning and everything is put right in front of the reader. Frankly I believe that poems should be both simple as well as complex.
If being compared to life then reading simple poems make you feel that life too can be simple and can make one appreciate the simplicities of life and forget one's worries. Complex poems give you variety. It lets your mind work giving it an exercise. And once you figure out it's inner meaning it gives you a feeling of satisfaction. True, lives are complex but they can be simple as well.


p.s.: I believe my grammer teacher is right. I do seem to have a penchant for writing annoyingly long sentences.

Where Love Is, God Is - Leo Tolstoy

This is a story of Martin a shoemaker. He was old and was miserable with God after his son died and cursed God for taking away his son and wanted God to take away his life too. A pious man came to his house and spoke of God and his and told him that whatever happens was because of God's will and that men were not to question his ways but to live for God and told him read the Bible to understand. Martin then got himself a Bible. He often read it. One day he got a dream where a voice told him that God said He would come meet him. Martin waited the next day. Three people came to his house. A sweeper, an old lady selling apples along with a bot who came to steal an apple and a woman with a baby who was poor and cold. Martin helped all of them in different ways and made them happy. He gave up waiting when he heard the voice again and saw the people he saw that day one by one and they vanished. Martin then realized how God came and he felt glad that he was able to meet God welcome him in his home.
I've been told different versions of this story. In the story various parts of scriptures from the Bible are mentioned and I assume it's to encourage the reader to pick up a Bible, take interest and read it. I don't think he wanted people to turn Christian but to see a different point of view. What the story tries to teach us is that we should accept things the way they are as a part of destiny but should continue to perform as many good deeds as we can and our hearts will feel lighter and we'll have lesser worries.

Friday, November 02, 2007

Two Old Men - Leo Tolstoy

Here two old men had taken a vow to go to Jerusalem during at least some point of their lives. The first man was Efim and the second was Elisha. Efim had more worries than Elisha who was more of a simple man. Eventually they plan a date and go on their way to Jerusalem with 10 rubles each in their pockets. On the way Elisha stops to help some pooor family and uses most of his money so goes back home since he hasn't enough to go furthur. Efim on tht other hand reaches Jerusalem and goes for his tour around the place. Three times he thinks he see Elisha at the very front of the alter at different shrines. On the way home Efim comes upon the place where Elisha had stopped earlier but the people staying there were no more poor and gave him food and drink for the way. Befuddled on reaching home Efim meets Elisha and asks him about how he got there and got back but Elisha doesn't answers him. Efim then understands that it's better to live life the way God wants him to rather than how he might've wanted to.
A moralistic story. When we wish to see God we need to have hearts that are light and untroubled which was probably how Elisha seemed to get right in the front even though he had already started on his way home. His soul went there anyways since God wanted him to. He had fullfilled what God had wanted him to do He was also very humble which is why he didn't tell Efim of how he helped the poor people in the hut.
What I liked was the mention of the various shrines in Jerusalem and of how there were throngs of people there. It reminded me of a feeling of solace. It felt really peaceful while reading that part.

Artificial

Here's a glimpse of a very interesting conversation between a friend and me which led to this post:

She: I'm planning on ironing my hair. What do you think?
Me: You're mental!!!
She: Okay, since you say that I won't.
Me: What's wrong with your natural hair anyways???
She: Well, some things should be artificial too you know?!
Me: (I'm laughing my head off) Whaaaat did you just say??? Artificial??? You want to be a fake??? How unrealistic of you. Do you know what you just said???
She: (Very disturbed by my comments) SHUT UP!!! I know exactly what I said!!
Me: (Very satisfied with self) Fine, fine!!! As you wish. I hope you know how dumb your statement just was.
She: (Really irritated with me at this point) S-H-U-T U-P!!!!!!
Me:
(Shuts up with a smile on her face.)

I was very interested in this statement of hers. It was the most honest yet ridiculous statement in my opinion. She wanted to be a little artificial and said it straight out and wasn't very hypocritical about it (Of course that was only till she realized what she said was silly but figured she couldn't take it back and had to suffer my comments).
Nevertheless the fact remains that today people want to be artificial. Nobody's happy being real. Real is unreal and fake is real. If you're not fake you're not cool. This is what I understood by wanting to be artificial. Real is uncool. It doesn't matter how bad your shoes hurt you while you walk, if they're in fashion they're to be worn anyways. Even if you have a wardrobe malfuction your dress is still the best, there's nothing wrong with the design, maybe you're just too fat (ugh...don't get me started on the perception of fat in the minds of tweens today).
But I'm glad the truth is out. People want to be fake to feel wanted. It's good to know such kind of stuff. Makes it easier for me to pick on such people.


p.s.: Yea, this author dislikes fake people and is a hypocrite by nature.
And for all those who enjoy being artificial, it's fake to be you!!!

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Minus Communication

Imagine if we couldn't communicate with each other. Imagine if communication never existed, never began. No talk, no signs, nothing. What other activities could we all indulge in to occupy ourselves, I wonder. Let's not think dirty now. I mean good activities, productive (I mean lots of things by that word) activities, etc...
We wouldn't be idle I'm sure. We might experiece boredom every once in a while...but hey...that's normal right (like now..this is a produce of boredom)? Below is a list of activities which we could engage ourselves in if we didn't have communication.

NOTE: THE FOLLOWING ACTIVITIES ARE NOT FUNNY AND YOU'VE PROBABLY HEARD THEM ALL BEING DONE BEFORE TOO.

>Fucking a whale. (why not?)
>Stealing. (who's to yell for help..can't communicate right?)
>Sleeping. (yep...it's an activity with little physical activity)
>Swimming. (because I want to)
>Run around. (good exercise)
>Add your own

I just realized somthing. We wouldn't be able to blog. It's a form of communication. (don't tell me you didn't know!!!) Therefore in favour of communication I have to abruptly end this post as it is not in favour of my current most favorite hobby...blogging. I've therefore concluded that if communication didn't exist I'd be more bored than what I am today!!!


p.s.: I so really wanted to extend that list!!!

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

A Spark Neglected Burns The House - Leo Tolstoy

The story was about how two neighboring families suffered a feud started due to an assumption of a missing egg. The two families were of Ivan Shcherbacov and Limping Gabriel. Each one would slap a case on the other. The father of Ivan told him to put a stop to the feud by not getting angry each time and settle the matter with peace. The son heard nothing of what his father said till his house was set on fire by Gabriel. He didn't tell on Gabriel and eventually things got back to normal.
I don't really approve of this story. I'm not sure if I'm just biased or something else. I don't believe people can live in harmony. It's not because I'm a pessimist (I'm not!!!) but it's just that no matter how peacefull things are there's always someone who'll do something to bring it down if not something that causes hell. Frankly I think it's just our perceptions, the way we see situations rather than what situations really are. We just are the way we are.
Although as a moral story for kids this would work just great.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

What Men Live By - Leo Tolstoy

A man named Michael is taken out of pity by a poor bootmaker named Simon to his home after he was found naked by a shrine where he is at first not welcome by the bootmaker's wife, Matrena but she is convinced by her husband and therefore agrees to keep the him. Michael continues to live with the Simon, his wife and childeren for 6 years after which he reveals himself to be an angel from heaven who was meant to learn three truths namely 'what dwells in man', 'what is not given to man', and 'what men live by'. Respectively the truths were, 'in man dwells love, 'it is not given to man to know his own needs', and 'men live by god'. The angel then took his leave in a bright light.
A story with a moral no doubt. Simon could've chosen to leave Michael where he was but chose not to. Compassion in this day of age is as good as gone. People are more afraid of being victims of something much worse rather than taking a chance. The story deals with matters which are today not considered important except for a select few from various groups.
I liked the following parahgraph. It had a lot of meaning to it. The following was said just before the angel Michael was about to depart from Simon's house.
" I knew before that God gave life to men and desires that they should live; now I understood more than that.
I understood that God does not wish men to live apart, and therefore he does not reveal to them what each one needs for himself; but he wishes them to live united, and therefore reveals to each of them what is necessecary for all.
I have now understood that thought it seems to men that they live by care for themselves, in truth it is love alone by which they live, He who has love, is in God, and God is in him, for God is love."
Even though it can be argued against the above words it nevertheless feels good to at least stop and think about it for a while in the middle of our stress and worry filled lives.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

The Bear Hunt - Leo Tolstoy

The story is about a man who tells about his experience of trying to kill a bear, amost being ripped to shreads by the same and lives to tell the tale. The bear eventually ends up dead and stuffed like most dead bears do.
This story had no intention of making any point whatsoever. I saw no purpose in chasing some lone bear and killing it. But as a story of survial it was okay.
The descriptions of sound and surroundings were nice especially with the sounds made when walking on snow, the fresh kind and the kind that's been there for ever a day or two.
Very simple, child-like.

A Prisoner In The Caucasus - Leo Tolstoy

It's a story about how two Russian officers who are captured by Tartars who asked ransom from them to be set free. One is Zhilin and the other is Kostilin. Zhilin was the smarter of the two. Dina the daughter of Abdul, the man who bought the two Russian officers felt pity for Zhilin and helped him in every way she could. The two officers tried to escape but failed. The second time only Zhilin escaped since Kostilin was too ill to join him. Later he reaches some other soilders and is saved. As for the other soilder his ranson is paid and he was set free.
I think that Zhilin should've escaped the first time without Kostilin. He could've come back with other officers to save him once he was safe. I liked Zhilin for his determination which was what got him out of his plight. He was also very creative so he was able to while away his time instead of remaining idle.
I really like the detailed descriptions made in the story though. It made the story more real and easier to imagine. The details about how the blood covering his eyes making it hard to see and the whistling sound made when the horse's windpipe was cut was macabre but nicely described.

God Sees Truth But Waits - Leo Tolstoy

This story is about a man named Dimitrich who is wrongly accused of murdering a fellow merchant and ends up in jail where he was considered as a meek and truthful man. In the jail he finds out who was the real murderer of his merchant friend, a man named Makar. Makar tries to escape prison by making a tunnel. Dmitrich finds out but Makar threatens to kill him if he tells on him. The prison officers ask Dmitrich but he doesn't tell. Makar confesses to both the tunneling and the previous murder but by then Dmitrich was already dead.
How can a man lose all hope of seeing his family again I wonder? Did he not love his wife and childeren that he never wanted to join with them? Had he told on Makar earlier he would have been released and been able to at least let his family know the truth and remain with them untill he died. His family and friends now think of him as a murderer when he wasn't. Then again, no one of his family or friends ever visited him.
There's nothing particular that I like in this short story. It could've been better.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Know Your Man - Femina Miss India Magazine

I'm a girl. I too want to know my man. When I came upon this article I played it thinking it would make me feel happy. It was an article based on numerology. All I had to do was using their number pattern find out the true numerical value of my boyfriend's number and I would be able to find out his true nature and know what to do from there. Once I was done I learnt that my boyfriend was a lying cheat and that I should find out if he's already married otherwise I might end up as the third angle of a triangle. This was outrageous!!! Now I was mad. I couldn't tell if I should trust my man or trust my magazine! Of course, I decided to trust my instincts instead.

Your supposed to find the value of each letter of his name add it all up till it's just one single number.
eg: Andy= 1+5+4+7=17=8.
Below is the grid along with the results so that you can test it out for youself. Have fun!!!

A=1 B=2 C=3 D=4 E=5 F=6 G=7 H=8 I=9
J=1 K=2 L=3 M=4 N=5 O=6 P=7 Q=8 R=9
S=1 T=2 U=3 V=4 W=5 X=6 Y=7 Z=8
TH=8 PH=3 CH=4 PS=5

No.1 : A danger of extramarital affairs.
No.2: Is practical and is able to contribute to joint financial affairs.
No.3: Find out if he's married and not teling you else you'll end up as the third angle of a triangle.
No.4: Is dominating, loves affection and is after you for all the wrong reasons.
No.5: Is sincere and honorable. Prepare for a happy and married life.
No.6: Can form unsatisfactory relationships leading to untold unhappiness.
No.7: May come off as a flirt, extroverted.
No.8: Is restless and can have more than one mariage as well as divorce.
No.9: Likes older women which can bring him great unhappiness.

--------
Hope you had fun.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Fuck

I'm not swearing so therefore you can't sue me. I'm here to discuss a word which is so flexible that it can be used in all sorts of ways. As a noun, an adjective, a verb an adverb and various other forms as well. Let me show you how. I'll provide some sentences which makes sense and then some senseless ones. Go figure which ones are which:

Sentence 1: Last night a manly man and I had a good fuck.
Sentence 2: That was a fucky paper.
Sentence 3: I want to fuck a whale.
Sentence 4: The food was fucking horrible.
Sentence 5: Fuck you, you fucking fuck!
Sentence 6: My fucking car is so fucking fucked up.
Sentence 7: I fucking fucked a fucking fucked up fuck.
Sentence 8: Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!

After reading those sentences over and over again I finally concluded that the word 'cluck' sounds very much like the word 'fuck'. Especially the last sentence. It sounds like an exited chicken madly running around the farm. It would go well if one would do a chicken dance and say sentence no.8 at the same time.


p.s.: The author has never actually used any of the given sentences in reality.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

I Swear.... I Don't

There's something wrong. Something wrong with me. I can't swear. I really can't. I mean no matter how hard I try (I'm lying..I don't try at all) I can just never manage to make myself to swear. It's almost like I've no got anger inside me. But that can't be true. I've got to have some sort of anger deep down in the recesses of my heart. I can't be ms. 'smile-all-the-time'.
The only times I remember being angry at people were when I was younger. When I was a cranky kid. When I wanted I'd get mad. I remember that I would cry too just to get my way. I was a tantrum thrower. A real spoilt brat I'm sure.
What I'd like to know is a logical explaination to my change. How and why did I become a non-swearing person when practically each and every even and odd person around me swears?
I can't be like this. This is wrong. Being a non-swearer is wrong. I need to be corrected.
Although I don't see why I need to complain. At least I have a better vocab. I don't have to use the same swear words over and over. What do people get out of it I still don't understand.
Great!!! Now I feel pretty much happy with the way I am and don't really feel like swearing. I answered my own question. And I wrote an entire article for nothing. Hail me!

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Lady Dove Killer

I see a beautiful lady,
Sadly sitting on a balcony above me.
She's in the pink of health,
But she's black with stealth.
She doesn't mind; -5
Me writing her a silly rhyme;
She waits for more,
Like she's always done before.
Like she had a soft heart;
Hope we never drift apart. -10

Each time she does;
Kill a different dove.
I sit and look up at her,
And watch the falling feathers.
I watch the dripping blood, -15
The dark puddles of it form into a flood;
The feathers all white,
In the blood look so bright.
I feel the two of us somehow connect;
I then watch the sweeper the feathers collect. -20

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Have An Eye...Have A Pink Eye!!!

The air is different. Oh what could it be? It's Conjuntivitus. Hurrah!!! Conjunctivitus is in the air. It's all around us. Everyone wants to share it with everyone else. The air is filled with it. Oh, glorious day!! How we all stare into the eyes all around. How pretty in pink they all are. Some are so happy that puss streams out of their eyes. Dreams have never been better that nobody wants to open their eyes at dawn. They close them so tight that they can't open them without an eye-dropper. Oh the supreme joy!!
The feeling is free. Free for everybody. Free for you. Free for me. Free from health. It's so free that a little girl sits on the stairs. She beckons them all. "Come one, come all." She beckons everyone around her to look into her pretty pink eyes. She cries, "Have An Eye...Have A Pink Eye!!!"

Saturday, October 06, 2007

My Pink Bunny And I

I was once upon a time a little girl. And like many other little girls I wanted to know from where babies came from and the reason to why I was born. My mummy told me that it was because daddy kissed her and kissed her and then she became pregnant (it's not that she completely lied). And so that was the story of my birth. Now me being as curious as most normal little childeren are wanted to try it out myself. I wanted to kiss someone and see if I'd get childeren of my own too.
I was never friendly with many boys. Okay, I was never friendly with any boy. So I needed a substitute for a 'boy' so I could kiss him and make him give me babies. I couldn't kiss my brother. And even at that very delicate age I was sensible enought to know that he probably wasn't capable to kiss me enough times to make me pregnant. Then I thought of a friend. A friend who was a 'he'. A friend who I've been sleeping with since I knew of his existance. My friend, the Pink Bunny. Okay, so what if he was a soft toy??? He was a 'he' and that was more than enough for me. So I took Mr. Bunny in my room and locked it from inside. After about a whole 5 minutes of kissing him I gave up, unlocked the door threw him back in the pile of other toys and went to get a glass of water since he left my mouth too dry. The next day I confessed to my mummy. I felt guilty. She laughed at my face. Told me that I wouldn't get pregnant and sent me back out of the kitchen.
Many years have passed and I've forgotten all about Mr. Bunny (an understatement since I've just mentioned about him). Now I sit and wait to see who's going to get me pregnant 'cause then I'll get to say, "You're a really good kisser!"

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

A Day In The Train Compartment

I like taking the train. I really do. It's always fun. I get to see how people like to get on each other's nerves early in the morning. It's usually the same scene day after day. The only difference is that each time it's a different person. Here's what happens each day...

First it's the insane struggle to enter the oh-so-very-crowded train. And if you're hanging from the train make sure you at least try to shove yourself in. For some reason people won't move in once they're comfortable. Then from the inside of the train (I say inside 'cause I'm usually hanging on to the pole for dear life) you'll hear someone elbowing hard at someone else (you can tell with all the jingle-jangle of the bangles) trying to tell them they're sticking too much. Then the other person will elbow back (..more jingle-jangle) and spit out an abusive word. From there on it'll be a musical fiesta of elbowing and abusing. At that point I'm wishing I was more inside the train to watch the sideshow. Once you do manage to get youself in and if those same cribbing passangers are still in the compartment you'd be able to see better their furrowed brows and sweaty foreheads to match their grimaces. You don't want to stare at them at that point. They might want to vent out their anger on you too.
Sometimes the train stops at a signal. Since it's early morning you'll see all the males squatting on the tracks defecating. And if you look really hard you'll see them in their true nudity. Never a mooner on the tracks. They all prefer to face the trains.
Then the train stops mid way. You can't look out 'cause then you get the see men minus undies. And if you look in you might grab the attention of the squabbling chickens who at this point are engaging in conversation with others beside them trying to make them agree with their facts about the other chicken being some abusive word or the other. So you've got the beaultiful sun behind clouds scene to stare at if a building isn't blocking it. And the tension remains till either of the two squabblers either leaves the compartment or goes to a different part of it. Of course, eventually at some point they do get bored of themselves and shut up and by then I'm off the train muttering about the joy of how I'm going to have to put up with the next day of strange elbowing chickens in the train.

Birthdays!!!

Birthdays, we all love 'em. They're always so much fun. We get friends who we've forgotten or wanted to forget bubbling to the surface to wish you just 'cause they somehow remembered. You get gifts from friends who you didn't gift and practically nothing from your everyday friends, except for minute by minute, persistant cries for birthday treats. Oh and there's the random aunt or uncle who comes to pull your cheeks as a way of saying' "your too fat.", or even shaking you to bits to say, "you're too light...do you eat well??"
But that's not what birthdays are really about. Birthdays have a more deeper meaning. A much much deeper meaning. It's as deep as a bottomless well and even as meaningless as a big chicken in the sky.
I'm not making fun here. This is serious. Think about it. I'm quite sure every year on your birthday the Grim Reaper comes n follows you all about. Waiting for you to choke on that cake piece, on the chips or on the the beer you sneaked in with you. He lurks about and keeps murmuring to himself, "Another year less for you, soon your soul will be mine." while staring at you in your penultimate laugh..or so he thinks. I hate his hollow eyes. I saw him this time. I'm pretty sure I did. I felt his cold hands on my throat. That devil!!!!
Well actually he just dropped in to say "hi!" He obviously knew he couldn't make me come along this time either. So he had a piece of the cake, muttered something about it being horrid and left.

THE END.

p.s: I must've been high. How I wish I were.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

5 Minutes Of Silence, Please

This is meant for the dead, as you might have already guessed anyways.
Very recently my country won a match with another neighboring (opponent) country which caused the sky to fill up with lights, my dreams with noise and the air with deathly smoke. Oh the joy!
May I also make note that a close friend suffocated and died of that very smoke yesteryear. I've hated smoke creating crackers before but it's horrid to be reminded of it. I sit here writing this in memory of all who suffered while the country rejoiced the win of a game. A game if lost, the team members' houses would've been burnt down to ashes. This is the height of loyalty their fans have for them. It's probably one of the reasons they're happy they won.
Understand that I'm not against the game. I'm not against having fun either. Do so. I won't mind. But stop creating havoc and misery in other people's lives at the same time. It hurts.

Monday, September 24, 2007

The letter 'R'

'R'. That letter of the alphabet. It's as good as invisible. It's inaudible when I speak. My voice has no trace of the 'rrrr' sound at all. And the funny thing was that I didn't even realize this till I pronounced the word 'door' as 'doe'. "Good googamooga", I thought. I can't pronounce 'r'. I even pronounce the very letter as 'aah'.
Anyways below is a list of a few words which when without the sound of 'r' is how I normally sound written on the right. The correct pronunication are parts in bold which are to be stressed.

car = cah
electricity = electicitie
enclosure = encloshoe
opportunity = oppethiunity
more = moe
heart = haath

So therefore I'm a student of english grammer which I'm successfully horid at. Coincidently I was studying various phonetics which is probably how this really came to my attention.
It's odd though, I do pronounce my 'r's perfectly well when I've got to speak French.
At least now I know why when I was working and taking calls, my manager always thought I had an American accent instead of an English/British one.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Bunking In College - Proper Progression

I made it to the degree college but could not bring to shame the one's who rarely studied or came to class since they somehow passed the supposedly difficult exams anyways. (those dirty, sneaky rats!!!) I therefore learnt that no matter how few lectures of class you missed you still managed to make it through and get enrolled in the next level of learning. It's dumb and unfair for the fittest (yes, I'm horribly vain) who truly work hard to get where we are. I'm now forced to believe that each one is equally endowed with a variety of qualities and is capable of passing the exams (damn the bribed and the bribing who force me to think so).
Anyways, I've vented enough of my feelings about random nonsense. I've progressed with bunking. I've managed to enter the blacklist at least once (I'm so proud of me!). The second time I failed (with utter disgrace) to do so. It didn't matter though. It felt kinda nice. The method of placing students in blacklists have changed too. Instead of 'how many days a student has been absent', it's changed to 'how many lectures the student has remained absent'. Don't get the wrong message though. I'm still keeping up with all the notes. I never ended up in the circis by the way.
Well, the point is that I've become a better bunker and I'm still a good girl (whatever that is).


p.s.: All are equal, but some are more equal than others. (Yes, I've read too much of Animal Farm)

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Love's Truly Eternal Bliss

Monday morning started
With a plane in the sky;
And there he stood
Just waiting to die.
He had gambled a lot,
In his previous life. -6
To be murdered this time,
By the blade of a knife.
Once more he did make,
The same mistake.
Gambled with his life;
And put it at stake. -12

His fair sweet maiden;
Stood at his side,
Kissed him for the last time,
Knowing she'll never be his bride.
She didn't weep,
She showed no sorrow, -18
Her depest emotions;
The crowd gathered should never know.
Let them all watch,
Her sweet lover's horrid death;
The pain she'll endure,
Their hearts will have never felt. -24

Her lover's opponent arrived;
He vowed to finish him off.
It didn't matter how,
He was never a man known to be soft.
He had his little pistol,
In his right pocket; -30
And he's always waited,
For the right time to use it.
So this was the time;
He would use it on him.
So he took it out of his pocket,
And gave a horrid mirth filled grin. -36

But the pretty maiden didn't leave;
Her sweet lover's side.
She just stood by him,
As his opponent aimed high.
He pulled the trigger.
He didn't care. -42
She moved in closer to her lover.
And death they did share.
The bullet had shot through her heart,
And embedded itself in his;
So together they shared
Love's truely eternal bliss.

Saturday, September 08, 2007

I Had a Bee

I had a bee.
It had a habit,
It kept staring at me. -3
I didn't like it.
So I set it's soul free,
When I tore it apart. -6
And now I have a flea.
It tried to get smart,
I made sure it didn't flee,
Shot it with a dart. -10
Now m bored and cranky.
I play with a glass shard.
I can blame only me. -13

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Jack n' Jill

Jack n Jill went up the hill;
To have a bit of fun,
Stupid Jill forgot her pill,
And so they had a son. -4

Jill screamed!
Jack didn't halt;
And this was how they
Had a nine month default... -8

She files a case against Jack;
Saying it was a rape.
But in reality,
Jack forgot the duct tape... -12

He says Jill lied;
She's responsible;
Since she's the one;
Who forgot the pill... 16

They do a DNA test.
Jack's not the father.
Now they find out,
It's Jill's next door neighbour... -20

Case closed!
Jack goes free.
Jill and the neighbour;
Live ever after happily... -24

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Excuse yourself!!!

Excuse me please,
I've never asked for your
Opinion.
You've invaded my
Privacy. -5
You've disturbed
My aura.
Took over my space,
And stolen
My dignity. -10

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Try This....

I know this is nothing like what I'd normally write about but it was something that made sense and was reasonably logical so I thought I'd write about it. This is for those people who pray and for those who don't have the time to do so. I don't pray but this might come to use for others who do.
I didn't think this up. I saw my brother do it. He'll get something and he'll mumble a soft thanks. I ignored it at first but then I asked him what he was doing. He told me that instead of saying prayers like they were mathematical tables he just says the word thanks when he gets something. It could be anything from a meal or anything he appreciates.
I don't really follow his advise but i found it better than most options to quick prayers. It's perfect!! Just say a thanks n that's it, nothing more. Nobody's asking for a litany or anything just one word, just a thanks.
It's so simple. Kill your pride before you do it. Say thanks. Try it.
Thanks for saying thanks for those who did.
Thanks for reading till the end for those who didn't.
Thanks.

Sunday, July 08, 2007

I'm A Drunk When I'm A Fool

Yes, I know that the title sounds like it shouldn't be like that. It sounds like it should be the other way around. Something like 'I'm a fool when I'm drunk'. But no, thats not what I'm trying to say. The title is perfectly fine.
For some reason I tend to act like a fool all the time. But people don't call me a fool. They ask me if I'm drunk instead. And the weird thing is that when they say that I've probably not had any kind of alcohol for a good many months too. So I kind of figured how to describe my foolish state. And that would be that I am a drunk when I'm a fool. Now that I've explained that I'm not sure what to call myself when I'm actually drunk. If I'm drunk when I'm foolish......I must be foolish when I'm drunk I guess. Perfect!!! I'm a drunk when I'm a fool and foolish when I'm drunk.
So now I think it's alright to conclude that I'm perpetually drunk and foolish. Wow!!! this is news for me. I'm a fool to have not thought of this before and also a drunk for that matter. I must also be some kind of genius to have thought this up all by myself.

Conclusion: Author is a foolish drunk of a genius!!!

p.s.: Author was NOT drunk when she wrote this.

I Am Jobless!!!!

O.K., I know, this is the most dumbest thing to say.....I'm, freeeeeeeeeeee......
I'm jobless...

And I'm lovin' it!!!!!!!!!

I don't miss the back-biting-gossip mongers at work.
I don't miss the perverts.
I don't miss the really bad cockroach coffees.
Or the very furry rats.

I can see the sun for more than an hour.
I can sleep in peace,
I get to go back to college again. I love college.

I can write again!!!!!!!!!

p.s.: The author just expressed her happiness....feel free to join in. :)

Monday, June 04, 2007

Leave Her Alone

She is evil. She has no heart. She has no soul. She is selfish. She cares for none.
The world could be dying in front of her eyes but she wouldn't give a care. She'll just walk past their rotting bodies. She'll seem very sweet and nice but she'll never really come to your aid when you need her. In fact she'd probably get you into the very trouble you've been able to dodge for so long so well. She's been a disgusting mongrel...everyone knows about it!!! A piece of shit she is.
Stop caring for her. You'll suffer for it. Her very existence should be erased from history.
Don't bother about her. Never be worried about her. Her heart is nothing but a cold block of ice, when it melts she is a heartless beast.
Don't touch her. Don't love her. Keep away.
She doesn't need anyone.
She doesn't want anyone.
Leave her alone.
The freak will be fine. She deserves to be alone.
Let her rot by herself.
Leave her to die.
Alone.
Unloved.

SHE....is ME.

Friday, June 01, 2007

Joy Of Being Jobless

I'm a working teen. I'm earning for reasons I can't remember considering that most people work for free I guess. If you're being underpaid you're working for free. Not a topic I should elaborate on.
I took an off from work once just to meet up with a couple of friends and couldn't have been more glad than ever to do something really fun like that, considering that 'fun' is an element very much absent from my day-to-day life...it needs a better attendance record.
We didn't go into outer-space or roam the amazon or anything of the sort. It was a plain and simple meet with all the chatter needed to kill boredom for decades and more. But the best part was that I actually forgot that I went to office the day previous and that there was office the day after. What really felt weird was that I even forgot which pair of jeans I was wearing. I was that carefree. It felt great......awwwsomme in fact. For the first time in three months I felt jobless. It felt good to be jobless, like I could've gone out like that everyday.
At the end of the day I was actually tired and sleepy instead of bored and weary. I think I had walked for more than an hour that day too. I even ate good home cooked food at one of my friends' place. Was so satisfying to my poor nourishment-starved tummy.
For once, when I got home at about 10 something that night I decided to go straight to sleep instead of coming online and wasting a good 4-5 hours in front of the PC instead of in dreamland.
Man!..... how I want to be jobless again!!!!!


p.s.: I should change my wants into needs...

Monday, May 07, 2007

Prostitution Legalized

What if prostitution was legalized...how would it change people really?? Would it really improve things for anyone? Or would we just plunge into hell a lot earlier than we imagined...?(men first preferably). Imagine it being made easier to get a prosie at any time of day.....or night for that matter. There would be a fixed price for certain types of women. The better the looks, the 'experience', height, size of breasts (almost forgot about this one), etc...the higher the price. The girls would get 80% of the pay the clients offer. It would be a very flourishing business is what I think.
The pimps would be females as well...old haggards that too....picture sagging, scaly, irregular pigmented skin all over with warts and bushy eyebrows without any teeth but lots of frizzy hair on their heads and eyes that pop out every random minute along with alternate twitches in each eye and neither colors of either irises matching. Oh wait...I'm supposed to be discussing about legal prostitution rather than how would the pimps might look like. Right, as I was saying.........
And from then on many jobless females would have jobs which are really highly paid and those who did it in hiding would be able to 'perform' with some pride. Girls could get to make their own choice as to whether or not they want to do prostitution or go for the other various jobs available. The legal age would be 21 for any female to be a prostitute.
The girls would even be educated at the same time, education would be compulsory for all prossies without which they would be rejected. There would be different shifts to go along with their study timings. Those who worked at night studied during the day and vice versa. There would be a special course on sex education as well, aids awareness, importance of using a condom and the use of the emergency 'pill'. They would even be given lessons on defense tactics to use when any guy tries to get smart with them. Exams would be oral/physical first and when they pass those they go on to the written ones. Lots of colorful pictures would be in their text books too.
Sure, society would take time to adjust to it at first but those who really want to get into it won't be deterred by them. If society had a problem they could always move to another planet, I'm sure nobody would mind that. Besides, it's more of as what the girl wants, not what anyone else wants. And besides, it would be completely legal and perfectly normal just like any other job would be.
But, just like any other business, there would definitely be some or the other type of illegal stuff going on in the background...but thats normal I guess and either which ways the price for anything illegal in this business would be the death penalty....for both, men and women!!! This would be how the legal system will have worked then....for the protection of women.
Now if only someone would actually get this idea into reality the world would be sooooo much a better place!!

p.s.: Anyone interested in my theory please do fund it and help to make it happen for real. If you're a girl you'd get 40% of the total profit.
Come join today...change the future...change the world!!!

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Ewwwwwwwww........Skin!!!!

I attended some function recently. I can't remember why I went but I did anyways. It was nice to be somewhere other than where I usually am (which is usually at home or on a window ledge getting some solace from reality) considering the fact I'm not a very outgoing person. The change was pleasant, very soothing really. I wore my favorite short black skirt topped with a 3/4 sleeved, v-necked turquoise blouse. I decided to dress pretty since I practically had no choice and it's not like I can go in a crumpled top with an equally crumpled pair of jeans for a formal function....although if they'd have let me I most gladly would.
Anyways....as I was mingling about I came across some friend whose name I didn't really remember...I'm sure I did that for a good reason..can't remember right now...as if it should matter...back to story!!!
As normal formality goes you're supposed to hug the other person as a form of greeting. Now just as it so happened, this female was wearing a backless halter....backless!!! No, I'm not against the 'costume' she was wearing, I just had a slight problem with it...verrrry slight!! As I moved in to hug her I felt her bare back and then i just abruptly withdrew. And just then the only thing that ran through my mind was...eeewwwwwwwww...skin!!! Sweaty, moist, bare skin!!!! And the worst part was that my thoughts showed on my face because her immediate reaction was to feel her back, probably wondering what might've made me to react like that. I could've laughed so hysterically that moment, luckily I was still in my senses then.
Well as things would've worked out I told her that there was a bug on her shoulder and flicked away an imaginary bug off her shoulder......(phew!!) We made small talk, I met a few other people and then I ran away from the place the first chance I got. Public places have weird people in them.....especially females...(ooooh the irony!!!)

Note to self: Don't touch bare skin unless you're wearing a pair of disposable formal gloves (I wonder if such a thing exists)
..... and don't ever wear backless...unless your back remains moist-free.

Friday, May 04, 2007

How The Brain Of A Very Foolish Girl Functions

I can be a complete idiot sometimes. No doubt there. But there are are times when I do the most dumbest things in the world that it shocks me as well. What's really sad is that I actually fought with myself about it but sadly the damage was already done and there was nothing I could to to repair it. I'm my own downfall...
I had joined a call center. Things were as crappy as they always were. It was manageable. Untill one day some guy decided to try hitting on me. Of course, he wasn't really very successful at it which was a good thing for me. But things got out of hand then. People would think that me and the other guy were carrying on (dating each other). I frankly didn't want to be linked with anybody from the office.
Weeks later as I continued working at the office, news got out that I supposedly said that I wanted to quit because of this guy which, might I add, was absolutely false and one of the most stupidest rumors I had ever heard of. Sheesh!!!! Can't people live without pissing on someone else's name???!
The guy obviously got pissed...who wouldn't??? I wont blame him, he had full right to be. So to correct it I decided to do one of the dumbest things I've ever let myself do. (How I want to shoot myself for it now). When he finally had the guts to ask me about the situation I told him that whatever he heard was true. I then told him to think of me as the office bitch and be glad that he'll never be associated with me especially once I'm gone. I could've choked and cried there and then...I've no clue as to how I held back. What kind of person bitches about herself???
And that was that. Now he probably hates me. But it's not like I really care. It's better this way. He'll be glad for it years from today. True, I hate myself for it. I just pissed on my own name...IDIOT!!! I can only hope that the girl I confided in doesn't tell him the truth just because she feels sorry for him. That'll just ruin things for me...actually it'll fix things but I'd rather things remain broken. Yes, I'm crazy and foolish....(feel free to add other more insulting adjectives to that list)
I've screwed with myself.

p.s.: This author is a complete brain-dead creature. If there's anyone out there who can cure her of her madness please, do help her, before she's sent to the nearest Mental Asylum. Have a care!!!