Sunday, May 30, 2010

How I Kill A Cockroach

A cockroach became my muse one night. Here's how it happened.

A little shy of midnight, I was busy chatting away with Aku (unimportant person), when suddenly something tickles my leg. Assuming a stray mosquito, I slapped my calf hard, sure I wouldn't miss the insect. I didn't. But what I realised, was that it was too big for a mosquito. Quickly, I jump off the bed and switch on the lights. And there on the bed, was a cockroach, lying on it's back. I half shrieked, remembering halfway through the shriek that my dad was asleep. I grabbed a chappal and attacked the spot he was lying on. Unbeknowst to me, he slipped under a pillow.

Overjoyed at catching the critter, I try to slide him with the chappal over him off the bed and onto the ground. When the chappal fell I presumed he was under it too. I stepped on the chappal and jumped on it too, whisper-yelling, "die roach die!" hoping to finish him off, for good. I lift the chappal only to find that there's no dead body. Sense kicks in and I figure he'd escaped. So I pounce on the bed and lift the most likely pillow he'd be under. And lo, there he was! Slap again I did. I tried sliding him against the bed again but he escapes, crawling on his little critter legs to the other side of my bed. I follow him the other way round and chappal him down again.

Now I'm a little pissed, so I grab a pair of little scissors and cut off his feelers and two legs. This I did to stop him from escaping each time. I thought he'd be lame by then but he still scurried under another pillow. Once again I chappal him down. I was mad now. I took a pen and stabbed his head sticking out from under the chappal till it wasn't a part of him anymore. Fearing that he may run away headless I stab some more near the torso. By now it decided not to run away anymore. So I scooted it off the bed and slammed the chappal on him and jumped on it this time making very sure it was dead. And sure enough, there was a dead roach body on the floor. I was then truly satisfied with my accomplishment. I left him on the floor, turned off the lights and went back to tell my super-exciting story to Aku.

The End.

p.s.: It was the most exciting night in a long time...really!