Friday, June 27, 2008

How To Appear Dumb

I was inspired by this odd but very interesting question at work one day. A user at the forum asked for tips on how to come off as the dumbest person in the world. Normally I'd ignore such a question but then decided that it actually made sense and that there are people who would actually want to appear dumb. Albeit, being dumb I can assure you can be very tricky. Very often it can easily be made out whether you're a wannabe dumb person or if you're seriously dumb! Remember that to pull this off you'll need to put in a lot of effort into it. So here are a few tips on how to appear dumb.

Observe people around you, on the streets and in all public places. You will be surprised by how many dumb people are right next to you. Notice how they speak, learn their broken forms of speech including all the grammatical errors present in their speech. Keep in mind the tone that they use and try to mimic the babble that leaves their mouth each time they speak. You can even engage in a conversation with them if you feel like so that you learn their mannerisms when it comes to speech and even learn how they dress and their highly complex body language.

Practice prevents poor performance, therefore make sure you practice all this in front of your mirror every once in a while. This will not only help build your confidence but it will also let you know whether you are performing in the right way or whether you need to change anything about your act. It can also make you more optimistic about yourself as you'll be ready to laugh at yourself and have fun with this odd experiment.

You'll know that you're successful at being dumb once not only fellow dumb people think you're one of them but also the not-so-dumb (because no one's really all that smart) ones get duped into thinking you're dumb.

So, do you think you're smart enough to be dumb?

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Stand Up For Udders

I watched "Barnyard", the movie (I don't normally review animated stuff) and thought this one scene in the ending was really kooky. I mean, there was this cow, standing on his own two hind hooves (yea, two, 'cause the fore hooves were on his hips) and he was saying this very meaningful sentence. Now, what was it he said, oh yes, "A strong man stands up for himself; but a stronger man stands up for others.". Well yea, that's pretty much what he said. But what was strange was the angle from where this particular scene was portrayed from. It was from the bottom looking up with a full view of his very pink, moist, almost full-like, udders. What made me think this scene was whacky was that, there was this cow, yapping away about standing up for others, while standing on his hind hooves with udders in my face. Now is it me, or was it coincidence that standing up for udders and standing with full blown pink others was a little freaky (yea I wrote it like so on purpose). Perhaps there was this hidden joke which was supposed to mean "Stand up and check out my udders"(?).

Saturday, June 07, 2008

Telling Time In College

During my first three years in college I re-learned to tell time. It can be compared to telling time at work and the normal accepted way of telling time which we're more familiar with.

The normal manner in which we tell time would be by the 12 hour or 24 hour clock. We read time as 3:15pm or 15:15 depending on which is more convenient or perhaps enforced to follow. Nevertheless we're all well aware of both ways. In this case time just goes on and on: there's nothing all that big to look forward to, 'cept maybe during the few hours/minutes/seconds before new year's on new year's eve or your (or anyone else's) birthday perhaps.

At work we're in the office only for a particular time. At some work environments you're there for about eight to nine hours which is the norm or if you're one of those diligent ones you might be looking forward to an overstay. The only thing you're looking forward to is probably the time to go home and take your late trip to dreamland only to probably check out early and leave for work again the next day. For those who have stressing jobs which need to be given a lot of attention you don't have time to check what time it is, but for those who have little to do at work usually tell time according to the various food breaks. But all this can't always be of any reassurance whatsoever.

At College we tell time a little differently. Each lecture is for about thirty to fifty minutes each with a ten minute break for recess. Here if you were asked for the time by any of the teachers during class practically everyone might tell you not exactly what time it is but rather how many more minutes left till the bell rings because that's the only thing on students' minds at that time. Even if the time happens to be 12:30 in the afternoon and the bell is expected to ring sometime around 12:40 then the time will be "ten minutes for the bell to ring" irrespective of what the time really is.

Frankly for some reason when you're busy whether it is being bored, completing work tasks or listening to the droning voice of the lecturer time always manages to fly super fast. And those are the best days ever. It's too bad the remaining days are only left to be cribbed about.

P.S.: If any of you readers feel that there are other ways of telling time, feel free to share your experiences with the author.