Friday, March 28, 2008

Testimonial Poem - By Anurag

I remember,one fine night,I got frandshipped by a mer made.
This mer made,when life throws lemons at her,makes lemonade. -2

To me,she looks dainty,to me,She seems jaunty.
I never knew,she would,someday, become my E-Aunty. -4

She's been Ann ony mous,Mer made,Aura and now Mad Dame.
With Mayo,She'd love to play the 'touch touch' game. -6

My Aunt's smart to not reveal her face on this social networking site.
You know,she's the only one with whom,I never fight. -8

Like me,even my aunt's a nocturnal creature
who's intalligent,indepandant and many such features.
Not to mention in her druggie collage,
She tops in English Literature. -12

She's so kind to me,she never calls me Anufag.
Raagman,which she addresses me as, I like as tag. -14

But sometimes she comes across to me as an Overly Wanton Lass.
I hope she never ever leaves my frand Mayo's ass.
She likes to eat chilly roles with extra cheese,
Pardon these subtle references,please. -18

She has Seraph,Mayo,Spit and many a spouse,
We stalked,in an area which rhymes with dombivali,is her house. -20

One can read a lot of porn in her poem blog,
May god those puking sessions whenever she hogs. -22

Mayank's her stupid baby and she,his first earthquake,
My aunt's a bit EMO,but not at all fake. -24

She'll do HM from DCC and set up a tea-stall in some mall,
Where we 'MFM' members will go someday,freeload and have a ball. -26

I like her name,her name's unique.
She is very active in our cyber clique. -28

I guess,I've bored you enough,it's time to now say Bye.
So stop reading this now and go watch some hentai. -30

Take Care,
Your loving Nephew,
Raagman.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Advantages Of Being Female

There are many to those. Few examples given below have been tried and tested: I needn't explain further.

1. More Competition:
Men like to compete with other men. They don't often compete with women thinking they're not worth the trouble even. Girls on the other hand have it better. They compete (more like war) with their own sex. So it's easier to compete with men too since they underestimate us and girls can make surprise attacks on them. The best part is that girls can act dumb for as long as they like without a guy knowing that they've got bit of a brain which is what makes it so cool. Too bad all men don't try being dumb: they could get away with lots of things too.

2. Brushing Past Breasts:
Girls can brush past another girl's breasts as often as they want without being sorry about it. A girt won't get mad if another girl touches her so long as it's not a guy. You (if you're a girl) could brush your hand past her buns or have your hands on her thighs too and she still wouldn't mind knowing you're female. Therefore boys can't touch for free but girls can. Should be fun for lesbians too. Of course if a guy was to do the same on purpose or by mistake to another guy he'd make sure he never does it again...period! Men detest gays, girls detest neither lesbians nor gays. So if you're a gay and the female knows this you needn't be afraid if you brush past her 'softies' by mistake.

3. No Coffee:
Girls don't need coffee to keep themselves awake at night (it causes them fatigue actually). They can naturally stay awake at night if they wanted to.

4 No Underwear:
Girls don't produce a bulge when they're exited. Even if it's that time of the month there's always a handy tampon. It's a great way to get someone's attention when wearing a mini or flared dresses/skirts too. It's comfortable for the girls and nothing to complain about for the boys either.

5. Poison:
Centuries of slavery over the stove: poison must've been brewed somewhere along the way. The recipe must've been handed down to today's generation by now. So while Mr. I-don't-wanna-help-out-with-the-cooking grows a premature middle-age spread Ms. Kitchen can brew him up a nice bowl of sweet poison. A word of advice to all men: suspect your other halves before your side of the half succumbs to a woman's grudge. It's either that, or behave!

6. Freebies:
Yes, most importantly, it's the freebies girls keep getting all the time. Boys love to shower them with gifts assuming they'll get something in return. Boys like to believe in that silly saying, 'give a girl love for sex and the girl does vice versa'. I'm sure it does work often but not before you've drowned her in a sea of goodies. The best part is the girl decides when to give in and can take as many gifts as she likes till then: and should the guy try any of his 'tactics', he can be accused with rape while the goods are still hers. Lucky girls, eh?


P.S.: This article goes out to all those females with borderline personality who need to keep looking for reasons to why they're female.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Pygmalion - George Bernard Shaw

Pygmalion, a play by George Bernard Shaw is based on the story of Pygmalion by Ovid. The play is about Henry Higgins, a professor of phonetics, who makes a bet with his friend Colonel Pickering who was also a professor of phonetics that he could successfully pass off a young Cockney flower girl named Eliza Doolittle, as a duchess or rather a refined lady of society by teaching her how to speak with an upper class accent and training her in etiquette. In the process, Higgins and Doolittle grow close, but she ultimately rejects his domineering ways and declares she will marry Freddy Eynsford-Hill a young, poor, gentleman who even though is a push-over, is madly in love with Eliza.

Even though much thanks is given to Prof. Higgins for her improvement in her accent it is Col. Pickering who teaches her proper etiquette. Higgins wasn't one who would be kind but was rather what you'd call a 'male chauvinist pig'. He may have been quite the intelligent chap but he wasn't one who was polite. Pickering on the other hand was much kinder to Eliza, treating her as if she was a duchess from the very beginning to the end unlike Higgins who did the very opposite. Eliza most probably chose Freddy over Higgins because Freddy was kinder to her and would satisfy her emotional needs and would treat her in the romantic way which Higgins never would. She could have remained with Higgins and never had to work another day in her life but she chose to continue her flower selling profession financed by Pickering with Freddy by her side.

My favorite character was Higgins. He was your no nonsense guy who treated all, men and women, the same without ever having to put a plastic smile on his face ever. Frankly he was more a man than Freddy could ever be. But it was his despicable way in which he treated all women that drove them away from him.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Sexcuses

What they like to tell you once they've got the room booked and you refuse them is funny sometimes, really. I love the way boys try so hard just to bed you. So without further ado, feel free to run through ten of the funniest I've come across followed by what I was thinking when the line was said.

1. He Said: I thought this was what you wanted too.
I Thought: I wouldn't be here if you knew what I really wanted.

2. He Said: I paid for it, now you must pay me back.
I Thought: Nobody bothers to pay me!!!

3. He Said: Just for old times sake.
I Thought: You forgot to add please to that.

4. He Said: You said you wanted a surprise, so... Surprise!!!
I Thought: You're surprise was expected but must be rejected.

5. He Said: Didn't you once say you wanted to be raped?
I Thought: Kindly rape first and then explain.

6. He Said: We could get married someday, you never know.
I Thought: Pity the girl who ever fell for this one.

7. He Said: I turn you on/bring out your wild side, don't I?
I Thought: It would've worked if that was true.

8. He Said: I'll show you mine if you show me yours.
I Thought: No, I can't bear to see it anymore.

9. He Said: Aw, come on girl, I've got a boner here!
I Thought: My fault?

10. He Said: You're supposed to be a bad girl, remember?
I Thought: You don't bring out my wild side, remember?


P.S.: The Author Says:

-When your mind's eye widens, your legs spread just as wide and vice versa.

-How she got into/remained in/got out of any of those situations is no one's bees'-wax.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Dear Principal

As a student of my college I've decided to submit the following copy of my letter to my principal. The actual name of my college mentioned has been changed on my own request.

14th March 2008.

To: The Principal of The Featherbrain's College

From: Anonymous student in the First Year Literature section of the Degree College 2007-'08

Dear Ma'am,

Subjects:
1. Switching students' subjects
2. Un-restrict the Literature section of the library to Literature students
3. Video Library needed

Following are a few suggestions for the improvement of the library, the Literature section and the degree college in general:

1. Switching Students' Subjects:
There are less than 130 students in the F.Y. Literature class. A good fifty percent (and more perhaps) of these students simply loathe the subject. I know so because I've to listen to their loathing each time class commences. They have absolutely no interest in the subject. The sole reason they opted for it is because they loathed History and Economics as well (they loathe education in general) and assumed that the subject included only simple comprehensions and grammar. They mightn't have even read the literature part or even known what it meant while filling up the admission form. Many have even admitted that they would rather be in the History section (They must loathe Economics more).

Therefore I ask (more like beg) you to permit these loathsome loathing students to switch subjects. It will benefit the students (especially me, in case I plan to stay on), I assure you. The ones allowed to switch won't harass fellow students with their constant cribbing and the Lit. students can enjoy discussing various pieces of Literature with fellow classmates and the professor at ease. And to prevent this from happening each year ask the students not to opt for a subject they aren't already basically aware of or interested in. It will save a lot of us much trouble.

2. Un-restrict the Literature section of the library to Literature students:
I ask you to consent to this plea if not to the above one. I understand that you might be afraid of students flicking books off the shelves of the library. I assume that is the reason for not wanting to un-restrict the literature section. We (I speak for all my alter egos if not for other Lit. students) would like to enjoy browsing through the pages of books at our own leisure before borrowing them. You may restrict it to students of other sections after you free the Literature loathing students.

3. Video Library needed:
Besides printed text, students can learn to improve their imagination and lingo through movies as well. I'm not talking just Golden Globe winners: include movies made on social problems, historic evens and so on. Illustrations can be much better than print.

I do hope you will consent to at least one of my suggestions provided after your perusal. I'm sure the letter was worth the peruse even if you plan to ignore it.

Thanking you for your time,
Anonymous student in the First Year Literature section of the Degree College 2007-'08.

P.S.: To view this letter on the internet as well feel free to visit the link below:
http://featherbrainedflo.blogspot.com/2008/03/dear-principal.html

Thursday, March 13, 2008

How Many You've Had? - In Search Of The perfect Other Half

Searching for the perfect other-half is tiresome and time consuming. For some it's important to taste your goods (take it to mean whatever your imagination likes) before you take them home for the rest of the family to inspect or at least find some brand value about it. Many of us like to go out with as many potential spouses before we choose the "right" one, while others just look for 'fun' (whatever that is). Then there are those who'd rather find "the one" on the very first try and refuse to check out the market for better produce.

For some it's fun to juggle as many partners as you can but I doubt if they plan to get hitched with any of those. For others it's chain-dating (it's a real term I'm sure). Those who chain-date either are afraid of committment, insatiable or have been dumped (or been dumping) way too many times to bother with the count anymore.

There is no real 'perfect half' of course. For all you know there's someone better than the one you're with. But you'd rather not search because you're comfortable where you are and satisfied (keep telling yourself that, it works). So there's no need to lose what you've got should in case you regret it and end up alone. I wonder how those who had their marriages and spouses arranged for them cope. They take what they get and live with it (or not, depends) I suppose.

But I guess in the end, it only matters if you're happy where you are and with whom you're with or whether you've been with many or none before you met "the one". There's nothing wrong with being single either if you're happy about it.


P.S.: The Author Says:
-For those who are single, be glad you've got only yourself to be responsible for.
-For those in a relationship(s), be glad you're not still searching and complaining about being lonely.
-For those unsatisfied, blame yourself!

Saturday, March 08, 2008

Rainbow Trains

If you're a regular commuter by the locals in Mumbai (or Bombay, or whatever, as long as it's a name for a place I can use) then you've probably noticed the garishly painted ones by now. If you haven't then consider your eyes very lucky 'cause these colorful locals aren't really a sight for sore eyes. Goodness forbid, your already sore eyes might lose sight even.

It's the new 'in thing' where the locals are decorated with advertisements of various colors of the rainbow and more. We've got pink locals telling us to swallow pills to avoid further gastric problems, black ones telling us to watch some show supposed to be filled with 'exitement' and peach ones too, saying something I'm glad I don't remember what. There's more, we've even got a sickly bright green one, brick-red, crayon yellow and a pastel sky-blue color too. Sure, it's a change from the usual sight of the normally brown and light beige colored locals (which blended well with the rust-red paan colors), but it's a nasty strain on the eyes. What's worse is when commuters (mostly from the men's compartments) decide to tear up the stuck on advertisements we get a fine collage of the previously brown and beige color along with the color (paper stick-ons) which was pasted above it with some spots of paan too and that just makes it all the more frightening and revolting to look at.

It's only the slow locals, which were previously brown and beige which halt at all the stations that are decorated so. The fast locals, both new (silver and spacious) and old (brown and beige) are left as they are. And since I can't afford to travel slow I've never traveled in one of these decorated locals and hopefully never will. I just get to watch them pass me by; sorry I looked out the window for a fresh sight and glad I looked out to find inspiration in such sorry sights.


P.S.: *Paan or gutkha is betel leaf with other ingredients chewed till it turns into a red pulp in your mouth and must be spat out but never swallowed. It's eaten to "paint the town red" and get mouth cancer.

The author doesn't chew any of the above rubbish.