7 Kind Ways to Help a Grieving Friend

“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

There are many simple and special ways to help a friend and strengthen those bonds. Only you as a friend know him or her best and can tackle it the right way. Here's how you can be a better friend to another who's recently lost someone. 

Things You Don't Do

1. Assume they're already fine

Asking, "How are you? Good?" barely a week after their loss makes you look insensitive. Of course, they're not okay. Try phrasing your sentence to, "Hey there, I know this is hard for you, I'm always here." Of course, if you don't mean it, don't say it. Being fake only makes it worse. Plus, your friend will know.

2. Leave them alone

If this is someone who's really close to you, waiting it out till they're done grieving will only make them realise how little you care. Don't act surprised if your friendship starts to fade away if you've been doing this. If s/he has been there through your stormy times, now's the time to return the favour. Death is not the same as your crush ignoring you.

3. Adding salt to an open wound

You really think a guilt trip is a fun idea? It's not. Badgering about what they didn't do while they had the chance is something their mind is probably already doing. If you've done this, an apology is in order.

Things You Should Do

1. Empathise

Often enough you may not know the right words. It's also possible you're geographically too far to give them a hug. Sending them quotes of strength and hope via email or instant message in the first few weeks is a good idea. Ask him or her about the best memories of the person who passed away and if you're religious, tell them you're praying for their soul. If you've been through a similar experience, sharing how you moved on can help.

2. Distraction

A person grieving may tend to avoid meeting people or going out. This could lead down that slippery slope known to many as depression. If you and your friend are in the same city, take them out to places like a library, a park or a quiet little beach, bring along a small meaningful present. Talk about things they like. Sleepovers are great too because they let you talk about things your friend might not be comfortable sharing when in public. Remember, actions do speak louder than words.

3. Laughter is the best medicine

"When laughter is shared, it binds people together and increases happiness and intimacy. Laughter also triggers healthy physical changes in the body. Humor and laughter strengthen your immune system, boost your energy, diminish pain, and protect you from the damaging effects of stress. Best of all, this priceless medicine is fun, free, and easy to use." [source]

4. Be Honest

No one expects you to be an expert in dealing with this difficult situation and it's okay to admit this to your friend. Let him/her know that you're sorry they have to go through the pain. Specific offers of help are better than those cliche lines of, " I'm here if you need me." and will genuinely make a difference.